so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
