So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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