I think I died a long time ago.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
