Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
smell my finger.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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