So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
