Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
