I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
