You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
