peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
