I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
