He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
