i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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