DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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