If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
