On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
