On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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