I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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