you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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