He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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