I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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