I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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