I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
