dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
