I want to make a zoo with you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
