she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize