can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
