after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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