if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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