Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
