So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
