sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
