I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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