I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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