Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
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All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival