she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Randomize
