i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago