My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.