It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.