you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.