This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.