I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.