If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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