i permit you to call me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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