i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
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fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If its not for food we ain't going out.