conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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