I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.