I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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