I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
