Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
