I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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