i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
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