The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize