Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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