First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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