nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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