Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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