Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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