dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So vagazzling was a success
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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