so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
