Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
