just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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