Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize