I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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