your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
