Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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