it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
