The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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