So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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