Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
