Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
