i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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